


Constant

by NorthernSongbird



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Canon Compliant, Earthborn Shepard, Eventual Smut, F/M, Falling In Love, First Time (well sort of), Friendship/Love, Interspecies Relationship(s), Memory Loss, Sexual Tension, Some Angst (but not too much), Some Humour (I hope)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-30
Updated: 2015-11-15
Packaged: 2018-04-18 03:04:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 19,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4689920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NorthernSongbird/pseuds/NorthernSongbird
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Following an accident on a routine mission involving a Cerberus device, Shepard and Garrus revert back to their teenage selves. They must get to know each other all over again while Doctor Chakwas attempts to find a way to restore their memories of the last fifteen years. Set after the ME trilogy. Originally written for the ME Kink Meme. Rated for later chapters.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I lurk and read here a lot, but have never posted anything before. Basically, I don’t know what I’m doing so apologies for any mistakes!

Overhead lights glared at Shepard in greeting as she opened her eyes. There was a voice too, coming from somewhere off to the side. Low and determined with an English inflection, it called her name again and again.

“Shepard…Shepard…” it said. “I need you to focus on what I’m saying. Can you hear me?”

She found the source of the voice – a grey haired women in a medical uniform – and forced her stiff body to nod in their direction.

“Delighted to have you back with us,” the women said. “How do you feel?”

“Weak. Achy.” The words were difficult to get out and when they emerged sounded hoarse. “What happened?”

“You had a slight mishap on a mission. Quite a minor one for you, Shepard.” The women smiled and Shepard could feel the warmth from it. “You set off a device on an old Cerberus Base and it rendered you unconscious. Not for very long though. Those cybernetics really are a force to be reckoned with.”

She spoke as if all of that explanation should make perfect sense to Shepard. It barely made any. Several words were plain baffling.

“Shepard, are you still with me?” she asked.

Shepard gave another small nod. “Yes, but what mission? What’s….Cerberus? Who are you?”

“Dr Chakwas.” Her brow furrowed. The smile faded out, taking the warmth away with it. “You’re sure you don't recognise me, Shepard? Take a good look at my face.”

For twenty seconds, she did. There was nothing familiar about the doctor’s handsome, wrinkled face, which spoke of a life well-lived. “No. Should I?” Shepard asked. “You don’t seem like the type who’d want to run with my usual circles.”

“I see.” A long pause followed as the doctor visibly calculated her next move. “Allow me to introduce myself properly then, my name is Karin Chakwas and I’m a doctor with the Alliance. You’re currently on the SSV Normandy. This is the ship’s Med-Bay. You were brought here after the accident for treatment. You’re completely safe under my care.”

On quick inspection, the room could indeed pass for a ship's Med-Bay. Not that Shepard had much of a frame of reference to draw upon having lived exclusively on Earth without ever enjoying the privilege of travelling through space. There was a single exit less than ten metres from her position, but it felt like a country away. If she had her trusty stunner, then she might have some chance of making it if it became clear that she needed to, but her possessions were nowhere in sight. Across from her stood several other gurneys. One was occupied by another patient: a sleeping turian, who was being watched over by a man in a dark uniform. The right side of the turian’s face was covered by scars. They were deep, but healed in their own jagged way and probably not why he was here with her.

“I don't understand,” Shepard said, eyes returning to the doctor’s face. “Why would I be taken here for treatment? Have I left Earth? Are we in _space_ right now? None of this makes sense.”

“Everything will become much clearer shortly, but I'm afraid before we discuss your condition in detail, I need to ask you a few questions that will help me make a full diagnosis.” She smiled in what was clearly intended to be a reassuring manner. “Alright?”

Shepard looked with real longing towards the exit. Doctors meant bad news, but she needed to know what was wrong with her. “If I cooperate, you’ll explain exactly what’s going on?”

“Of course, Shepard.”

“Then I suppose I agree.”

“Excellent. First, I’m going to give you a dose of this painkiller. It should help with the aches you mentioned. You may have pulled a few muscles on your way down to the ground after the device activated.”

Without pause or further preamble, Chakwas discarded the scanner she’d been holding, picked up a medical dispenser and reached for Shepard’s nearest arm. Shepard wrenched it away, quite a feat considering how weak she remained.

“I don’t want any injection,” she said.

“It’s a standard issue painkiller. See…” Chakwas showed Shepard the name on the vial – not that it meant anything to her – but for some reason the gesture in itself was reassuring. “I’ve given it to y-, to crewmen many times before.”

Shepard’s arm relaxed. Immediately, the doctor struck, fast and sharp like a bee, but with a less painful sting. Coolness gradually spread from Shepard’s arm outwards, silencing the complaining nerves as it went.

“That does feel better,” she admitted.

“I thought so,” Chakwas said. “Now, if you’re feeling able, I want you tell me the last thing you can recall before waking up here. Try to answer as best you can.”

“I..” she started, but then realised she wasn't quite sure. She certainly didn’t remember any mission, device or accident. "It’s hard to pinpoint. I was definitely on Earth. Just doing repair work for someone to earn a few credits, I think. It was the afternoon. The sun was out.”

That was a possible scenario at least. Best not to add more detail and reveal her ‘work’ was actually done exclusively for an Earth gang, the Tenth Street Reds.

“Doctor…Chakwas,” she added. “Wherever we are now, I need to get back home as soon as possible. I’ll have things to do. Urgent things.”

Depending on how long she’d been gone, this absence may already have been noted by the Reds and that was not a good thing. Even for a gang, they weren’t tolerant. They wouldn’t give a shit that she’d been injured.

“That...might not be possible just yet,” Chakwas said. “But there’s no need for you to worry. We’ll make sure you don’t encounter any difficulties as a result of being injured. Just lay back and relax. Can you tell me what year it is?”

“2171.” An easy one to answer; who didn’t know what year it was? And yet something in Chakwas’ expression made her feel she’d got it wrong.

“And your age?”

“I turned seventeen recently.”

“Where do you live?”

“At the minute, I’m staying with some people I work with. But I’ve moved around my home city quite a lot.”

Further questions about herself followed, each one further depleting her already low stores of patience. Talking about herself was far from being her favourite conversation topic, even amongst the few acquaintances that knew her best. Soon all of her patience had been raided and she snapped after a question about her family.

“Please just tell me what is going on,” she said. “I've cooperated. I’ve told you everything you’ve wanted to know so far. Surely it’s your turn now.”

“I believe I do have enough information to make a diagnosis,” Chakwas replied, “But you must try to remain calm, Shepard.”

“I'm calm enough considering the situation!” She caught herself before the outburst continued, lowering her voice, trying begging instead. “Just tell me. Please.”

“Unfortunately, it appears you have suffered a significant degree of memory loss as a result of the accident. I would imagine it must be an after effect of the device you triggered.”

“How much have I forgotten? A couple of days? Weeks?” Chakwas mouth became a thin line. Panic set in. “A few months?”

“No, in excess of that. I’m sorry, Shepard. I wish I could tell you otherwise. Before I say more, I want to assure you I will help you through this.”

“How much in excess?”

“You don’t remember several years at present.”

“What?” Shepard sat up so abruptly it hurt despite the painkiller. “How can that be possible?”

Even as the question left her mouth she realised something: her body, clad in only in a thin gown, didn't look quite right. The differences may have escaped her initially, but they were right there in front of her eyes now. Unavoidable. Every part of her was musclier and fuller than she remembered. She no longer had the body of someone who missed meals and often survived on snacks. And her arms, oh God, what had happened to them? Both were exposed up to just below elbow, revealing skin criss-crossed with scars. The marks were particularly pronounced on her right arm: Were they _burns_?

Chakwas placed a hand on Shepard’s shoulder to ease her back down into a more comfortable position. She left it there, squeezing gently as she spoke, “I'm afraid, as unlikely as it sounds, what I’ve told you is true.”

“How can I have forgotten as much as you’re saying?”

“I won’t be able to ascertain precisely what happened until I examine both you and the device further. I’ll have it brought on board shortly so we can begin to study it.”

Shepard continued staring at her scarred skin. “What happened to my arms?”

“This is far from the first accident you’ve gotten yourself into.” The warm smile from earlier returned for a moment. “Trust me, you still look very well all things considered.”

“Not the first accident? Just who exactly am I now?”

“An officer in the Alliance. You serve on this ship with me and go on many important missions, which help people across the galaxy.”

“I do?”

“Yes, most definitely. And you’re a great asset to the team.”

“Oh.” Shepard’s voice was barely audible. “I actually did it then.”

Alliance ads sometimes played in the Reds territory, their bold colours standing out against the concrete and dirty brick walls until they were inevitably vandalised or shot at. Shepard had watched them once or twice. More if she wanted to be honest. Enlisting seemed a great way to get off the streets, to earn an honest living and use your skills for something other than the pursuit of various misdeeds. Working for the Reds was hardly a dream career. She’d been going somewhere good once, way back when her parents were still alive.

But once you were in the hands of a gang, you were clutched tight. It could be difficult to find the strength to slip out from between the fingers.

“Shepard, are you still following me?” Chakwas asked.

“Yes,” Shepard replied. “It’s hard to take in.”

“I understand. It’s going to be okay.”

“Sure.”

“It _will_ be okay. I do my best for all my patients. Your memories may simply start to return on their own. If they don’t, I won’t rest until I find solution to this. Nor will the rest of the crew and all the friends you’ve made over the years. We’ve dealt with far worse problems than this, believe me.”

“Good,” Shepard said when it became clear she was expected to say something.

“Is there anything you want to ask me?”

There was so much she could ask. Hundreds, if not thousands of questions about the years she’d forgotten were swirling and twirling around amidst the chaos in the back of her head. But there was nothing more she actually wanted to know right now.

“No, thank you,” she said.

“That’s fine, Shepard. I’ll be here if and when you change your mind. In the meantime, there is one more thing I think you need to know: another crewman was involved in the same accident as you.”

“Do you mean the scarred turian over there?” She pointed in his direction without looking.

“Yes, _Garrus_. I’m told, he tried to push you out of the way when the device activated.”

“Why would he do that?”

“He…is a friend and very loyal.”

“Will he be okay?”

“He's unconscious, but showing a good level of responsiveness, just like you were. Crewman Harris is tending to him at the minute. I think he'll come round on his own shortly without any major intervention on our part. The scars you can see are all old. Given that he was hit by the same device as you, I would say it's possible that he may have suffered memory loss as well. But I hope not. We won't know for sure until I get him awake. Until then, I don't want to speculate too much.”

…

The turian – Garrus - soon began to come round just as Chakwas had predicted. Shepard watched at first, but then Chakwas activated dividers to give him privacy. She could still hear snippets of their eventual conversation and made out just enough to know his memory was damaged much in the same way hers had been. He said with determination that he was sixteen - despite this evidentially not being the case - and was struggling to understand why he was surrounded by humans and no longer training on a major turian military base. Chakwas had to go through exactly the same painful process of explaining what had happened as she had done with Shepard. The doctor apparently had the patience of several venerated saints.

Much, much later, once he was (relatively) calm, Chakwas brought down the dividers and attempted to introduce the two of them to each other. She told them that they had shared a great friendship for years and suggested they might be able to provide a degree of support to each other during this difficult time. They said hello from their gurneys. Garrus even attempted a smile, or at least that’s what Shepard thought the slight flaring of his mandibles was akin to. She couldn’t bring herself to smile back.

Chakwas hovered between them for a while, encouraging them to talk as if she hoped their friendship would somehow bud and blossom anew in these strange circumstances. However, nothing aside from a few basic pleasantries followed. Shepard had a feeling Garrus would have quite liked to talk more to her, but she didn't want that. Not yet. Maybe not ever. She lay back down on her gurney and stared at the ceiling for what could been hours, trying to pretend she was somewhere else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because this was written for the Kink Meme, I already have all the chapters completed. However, I want to do a bit of editing work on each before posting. I’m aiming for one update a week for the next couple of months. I might not always stick to schedule, but I'll do my best!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoa, I didn’t expect this story to get such a positive reception. Thanks a lot! I’m really glad I decided to share it here.

Shepard remained confined to the same gurney in the Med-bay, allowed special dispensation to leave only when she needed to make the short trek to and from the women’s bathroom. Everywhere else on the ship was off limits. During the four days that had passed since the accident, she’d mostly she kept herself sane by reading, doing puzzles or watching vids on a portable player. There was precious little else to do, especially since Chakwas had decreed no extranet access for her or Garrus yet. She hadn’t even been allowed a mirror at first and when she’d finally received one, it lied, showing her the image of a scarred older sister. She hadn’t looked much at her reflection since.

Both she and Garrus were being carefully drip-fed information about themselves, while Chakwas took scans, prodded them and tried to find a way to treat their condition. Details of an illustrious career with the Alliance had started to emerge. Shepard now knew she didn’t just serve on the Normandy – she was its Commander and had been for some time. Some sort of war had taken place a year or so back, but somehow she’d guided the Normandy and almost the entire crew through it in one piece. Now, they were on a victory tour of Alliance colonies to celebrate, or at least they had been before deciding to make a detour to investigate that Cerberus base. All of it was so impressive. So absurd. But it was what she’d found out about her and Garrus this morning had left her the most disconcerted. They hadn’t talked since then – not that they’d said anything of real merit beforehand - and she wasn’t looking forward to the moment when he would try to draw her out.

It came a couple of hours after lunch. Chakwas had left the room to visit engineering where the device was being examined, leaving the two of them alone together. She was looking at him without really meaning to as he read something on a datapad. Her gaze travelled over his body, taking in the huge, clumsy feet hanging off his spindly legs; his pinched-in waist that was far, far slimmer than a human man’s would be; his crested head and those piercing blue-green eyes, which suddenly met her own.

She looked away, but it was too late. He had seen her, was coming over and there was no time left to make a mad dash for the women’s bathroom.

He smiled. “Do you want to talk?”

“No, thanks,” she said, a tad too quickly. “I’m fine.”

“You don’t seem fine.”

“I’m just tired.”

“Well…it might be good to talk anyway. Don’t you think?”

“About?”

“About anything. About what’s happened to us. About how we we’re, you know, _married_.”

The word hung between them. She left it there.

Chakwas had gathered them together and told them gently. They were different species, but somehow they made it work, very well, and weren’t unlucky enough to suffer from the allergy issues which afflicted a small minority of turian-human couples. Plenty of hints had been dropped before the revelation about how close they were. Apparently, Garrus made Shepard laugh more than anyone else, while she brought out the best in him and had guided him through some (unspecified) troubles in the past. It hadn’t lessened the blow.

Shepard had not imagined that she'd marry, let alone walk down the aisle with an alien and have to deal with all the extra complications that brought. She could recall speaking to only a handful of turians in her life, including a couple of purple faced bastards who'd tried to mug her as she walked through a park. Thankfully her stunner worked effectively across all the major council species and they went down easy.

That didn’t make her a xenophobe. Those turians just had it coming. She rolled her eyes at the worst of the comments that came from her fellow Reds and walked away from conversations that seemed solely intended to bash everyone apart from humans. They were so, so tedious. But she certainly wasn’t a xenophile who wanted to become intimately acquainted with turian’s sharp teeth, hard contours and what they kept hidden beneath their groin plates.

“Shepard…” he said.

“I don’t know what you’re expecting me to say. It is what it is.”

“I’m just finding all of this so hard to believe. Aren’t you?””

His eyes met hers again for a moment. They were such a striking colour. Human eyes were not usually so vibrant. She turned from him and ended up staring at the wall. “Yes,” she said, “Really hard to believe.”

“Come on, Shepard. This is ridiculous. Stop sulking with me.”

“Sulking!”

“Yes. I may be spectacularly confused right now and not particularly gifted in reading humans, but you are definitely sulking.”

In spite of herself and the situation, she could feel the corners of her mouth twitching upwards. She tried to fight it, but didn’t quite succeed.

“Alright, maybe I am sulking,” she admitted. “And I’m sorry for that. But can you blame me? I feel as if I've been plucked out of my life, dropped into a stranger’s and just expected to get on with it.”

“Shepard, so do I. We’re in exactly the same position.”

Except he wasn’t handling it so poorly. Or making a not so valiant effort to ignore her. “I just…I wish I could remember even a little bit of how I got here”. She gestured vaguely at him. At the room. “Married to a turian and a starship commander. It’s so far removed from where I was at 17.”

“And where exactly was that?”

“Does it really matter?”

“Come on, give me something.”

“I was working for a gang on Earth.”

“A gang?” Though he tried to hide his surprise, it was plain enough for her to see across the species barrier. “Doing what?” he asked.

“Repairing broken tech. Augmenting equipment. Sometimes hacking. Plus, any other odd jobs they decided to throw my way.” She pushed the words out, not particularly savouring the taste of them in her mouth. “That sort of thing. I broke the law almost every day. It paid okay and was better than begging for scraps.”

He edged fractionally closer to her. “I’m sorry to hear that. It must have been difficult.”

“I did what I had to do.”

“But you didn’t like it.”

The astuteness of his comment took her by surprise. For a few seconds, she stared at him, unspeaking. Finally, she said, “No…but I still feel like that’s what I should be doing. A part of me wants to go back. Insane, right?” She fell silent for another moment. “You thought you were in the middle of military training when you woke up, didn’t you? Do you want to go back to that?

“Yeah, I really, really do. No offence or anything.” He looked at the ceiling, almost wistful. “I keep hoping I'll wake up back in my old bunk, surrounded by fifty snoring turians, and realise this was just some crazy dream. I wasn’t particularly enjoying my training, but I’d go back in a second now and do all the 5am starts, all the marching and drills without complaint. Unfortunately, the more time goes on, the more I'm becoming sure that’s not going to happen.”

“No. This appears to be very real. My usual dreams are nothing like this.”

Most of them were nightmares, true, but nothing as elaborate as this. Her subconscious preferred conjuring up monsters to chase her through deserted halls. They never caught her, but she never quite managed to get away from them either. They followed until she woke up.

“Same here,” Garrus said. “If I was asleep, it definitely wouldn't be some human woman I'd be dreaming about anyway. You’re such a strange looking species. So squishy and hairy.”

“Gee thanks, Garrus.”

He shook his head, then launched into some of the most impressive (and amusing) verbal flailing she’d ever seen, “Uh...I didn't mean that the way it sounded. I wasn’t talking about you personally. It's just...I barely know you. But you seem...okay so far. And you look alright. For a human. At least I think you do. Your hair is quite thick. That's a good thing for humans, right?”

“I suppose it is. Quite a compliment.”

“You also have nice…” he looked her up and down frantically before settling on her face, “…eyes. Crap. You’re not going to start ignoring me again, are you, Shepard?”

She considered for a moment, then put him out of his misery with a half-smile. “I don’t think so. Well, not just yet anyway.”

“Good. I'll do my best not to really piss you off.” He let out of a sudden huff of laughter. “Isn’t that how all successful marriages work?”

“Garrus…”

“Too soon to joke with you about that?”

“Just a little bit.”

“Noted.”

They watched each other, a strange sort of intensity gathering in the air around them. “Do you think we were happy together before all of this happened?” he asked. Somehow, she’d been wondering the same thing.

“Hard to say, Garrus.”

“I’d like to think we were.”

She found she couldn’t argue with that. They were still on speaking terms when Chakwas returned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ll be back with a considerably longer update next weekend.


	3. Chapter 3

Talking with Garrus became another way for Shepard to fend off the boredom that kept threatening to grip her. They even watched a couple of awful turian-human comedies together. Chakwas seemed pleased with the upturn in their relationship and announced they no longer needed to remain under her constant observation in the Med-Bay. If the two of them were amenable to it, they would move for a trial period into the quarters they usually shared, where they’d have more privacy and space, and perhaps start to find some sort of normality together. Shepard didn’t quite see how that was going to be possible given that they were a married couple who couldn’t remember their wedding day. On the other hand, after almost a full week trapped in the Med-Bay, she was delighted at the prospect of being released to any other part of the ship. She agreed to go. Garrus watched her closely for a few beats then gave his own assent.

Later that day, they bid a not particularly fond farewell to their gurneys and journeyed up through the ship to the sealed entrance of the Captain’s cabin, where Chakwas gave them both the five digit passcode for the door.

Shepard frowned. “I can’t believe I didn’t install more sophisticated security than that.” Leaving your possessions without proper protection was a sure-fire way to lose everything. As much as possible, she tried to keep valuable belongings on her person and was ready to defend them at all times with her stunner.

“Well, there are a wide variety of measures in place to stop anyone untoward from boarding the ship,” Chakwas explained. “And no one from the crew would attempt to enter this cabin without your express permission. You trust us and often leave the door unlocked.” Chakwas smiled and tapped at the control panel on the door. “Let me reintroduce you to home sweet home.”

The door opened with a flourish, revealing a beautiful state of the art cabin that Shepard liked on first glance - oh she liked it a lot - but it wasn’t home. She still thought of 'home' as a dingy and damp apartment belonging to two other Reds girls. It was cramped. It was cold. Her bed was a mattress on the floor covered by a worn out throw and the shower only ran cold. And yet she still wanted to go back there. But she had no magical ability to travel through space and time so instead she followed Chakwas and Garrus into the depths of the cabin.

“I instructed two of our most reliable crewmen to prepare everything for your homecoming,” Chakwas said as she began to show them around. “The bathroom is through that door. You’ll find all your tech on this desk.”

Laid out in front of them was a computer terminal, two omni-tools and several datapads, all perfect and shining under the lights. They were accompanied by a strange neighbour, a much older, beaten up targeting visor that looked to be turian in origin.

“All devices are fully functional,” Chakwas continued. “However, I’ve had external communications disabled for now, though you’ll be able to contact me whenever you want. Daytime preferable. I do like to get a good night’s sleep, unless there’s an emergency. You have limited extranet access. For a myriad of reasons, I would strongly urge you not to try to search for information on yourselves yet. Your armour and guns have been placed in storage for now, but all your other personal belongings are in this room.”

“Don't you trust us?” Garrus asked with an amused quirk of his mandibles.

“Usually, with my life,” Chakwas replied, clearly meaning it. “However, right now you don’t know how to bear arms.”

“Maybe Shepard doesn’t, but I do. I still remember an entire year of training.”

She shook her head. “No guns, Garrus. You have plenty of books in here and access to a wide range of movies. Look to those for entertainment. You also have pets to look after.” She gestured towards them. “Tropical fish and something you refer to as a ‘space’ hamster, Shepard, though I’m fairly certain it’s just a normal hamster you were overcharged for.”

Chakwas kept talking as she led them further into the room, but Shepard struggled to listen, distracted by the strange new land surrounding her. Scattered about the place were items that she guessed must belong to her future self. On the coffee table was a heavy antique magnifying glass just like the one her father used to own. Books littered most surfaces. She’d always preferred reading off paper to a staring at a screen. Datapads were never going to have that musty smell.

Equally, some of the room’s trappings clearly belonged to someone else. A large medal displayed on one of the walls was definitely turian in origin. As was the carapace _polish_ inexplicably positioned on the floor by the sofa. Such items were jarring reminders that this was a shared space.

At very back of the room, sitting on a ledge behind the bed, were a collection of pictures of her and Garrus. She moved closer to them. They appeared to have been taken in locations across the galaxy, but they were united by one common feature: the obvious happiness on both their faces. One photo was larger than the rest and surrounded by a gilded frame. It showed the two of them in dress uniform, but their arms were wrapped around each other and she was holding a tiny bouquet of wild flowers containing daisies and some alien bloom she didn’t recognise. Could it be a wedding photo?

She turned back to Chakwas, who was still talking. “You’ll find fresh night clothes for both of you in the dresser. Unfortunately, since there is only one bed in here, one of you will have to sleep on the sofa. It’s not ideal, but the sofa looks to be rather comfortable and I’ve had plenty of extra bedding brought up so you should both be able to sleep well. However, if either of you are unhappy tomorrow, we’ll work out some sort of alternative arrangement together. Now, do you have any questions?”

“Yes,” Garrus said. “Could we do some target practice? Not in here obviously. I’d hate to damage the expensive furniture, but there must be a cargo bay somewhere on this ship.”

“I’ll take it under consideration.” She seemed to be suppressing a laugh. “For now, just relax and make yourself at home. I’m going to return to the Med-Bay for a while, but I’ll be back shortly with your evening meal. Please don’t be tempted to leave the room. It wouldn’t be safe for you to just wander around the ship yet. I’ll give you a supervised tour tomorrow.”

And with that she exited, leaving them alone together in the silence of the room. Garrus spoke first, “I didn’t know what to expect, but there are definitely worse places we could be holed up.”

“I agree,” Shepard said. “Though it's a pity we're holed up at all.”

“We'll both have to make the best of it.”

“Yeah, we will.”

But how exactly was not clear yet. Shepard headed for the sofa and sat down. Garrus followed her, as she expected he would, his heavy weight making cushions sag. She started to examine the books resting on the nearby coffee table.

“Some of these look interesting,” she said, leaning a fraction further towards him as she flipped open a compendium of deep space photography.

“Yeah.” He lifted a copy of Great Krogan Battles. “I’ve always liked military histories. Turian ones mainly, but we've had our fair share of run-ins with the Krogan. And a few, uh, other species.”

“Such as humans?”

“Well, yeah. We seem to get on better now though if we’re anything to go by.”

“Funny how quickly things can change.” She smiled, an action she found herself doing increasingly often around him. “I’ll read almost anything. I’ve always loved books. I think it’s because of my parents. They ran a tech repair shop together so were kept pretty busy, but they always set aside time to read with me at night when I was a little kid. They bought me so many books. At least they did until they weren’t around anymore.”

“Did something happen to them?”

“They died. Ages and ages ago now. In a skycar accident, when I was eleven.”

“That’s rough.” His hand twitched as if he’d thought about reaching out to her. In the end, he didn’t, just said, “My mother’s dead too, Shepard. It only happened two years ago though so I don’t remember any of it. She developed some kind of syndrome and that was it. Nothing anyone could do in the end.”

“I’m really sorry to hear that, Garrus.”

A few days after the accident, Chakwas had taken him to one side and spoken to him at length. When he returned, his mandibles had been pulled tightly against his face. Now Shepard knew why.

“It doesn’t seem real yet to be honest,” he said. “But then how could it if I don’t remember any of it? My dad and sister are still left. Chakwas has let them know what’s happened and says I can talk to them soon, if I want. I don’t know. I don’t see how it could be anything other than very, very strange.”

“You should call them, Garrus. They’ll want to see that you’re okay. I envy you in a way. There’s no family waiting to talk to me.”

From what she’d learnt about herself, it was clear that Garrus and the crew were her family now instead of blood relatives. She didn’t appear to have contact with any of her kin. That had been the case at seventeen as well so it hardly came as a surprise.

“Maybe I will,” he said. “Just hard to work up the nerve. So…what happened after your parents died? Is that when you had to start working with that gang?”

“Not exactly…” Further words wouldn’t come. “Sorry, Garrus, I’d rather talk about something else right now. Something less maudlin.”

“Okay. Uh…what sort of music do you like? There’s a player over there, maybe we could put something on.”

They went on to sample a wide variety of turian and human songs, some more like auditory torture than actual music. Shepard was quite sure she never wanted to hear another turian marching anthem as long as she lived. A club track was thrumming away in the background when the door chime sounded, breaking up the monotony of the beats and hailing Chakwas’ return. She entered with another crewman. Their arms were laden with drinks and a couple of plates of food, one of which was piled up with grey mush and some kind of red raw meat. Shepard said a silent prayer that the other meal was for her. Thankfully, her prayer was answered.

Before leaving, the doctor gave them a quick once over and asked how they were getting on. Garrus said they weren't doing too badly so far all things considered. Usually, Shepard didn’t like anyone to answer for her, but this time she simply nodded in agreement. Apparently satisfied with that response, Chakwas left again.

The two of them sat side by side on the sofa to eat, the food gathered on their laps. They spoke on and off as they dined. Mainly they exchanged comments about how unappetising each other’s meals looked, which was fine by Shepard. She’d revealed enough about herself for one night and his food did look truly disgusting, as if it wasn’t quite dead yet and would soon get up and limp towards her across the table.

Nonetheless, both their plates were soon empty and their stomachs’ full. A drowsiness began to creep over Shepard. She had to admit the bed in this cabin looked extremely inviting. The duvet would feel soft so much softer against her skin than an old throw. The mattress wouldn’t give up trying to support her and collapse under her weight. She continued to make small talk with Garrus for some time and even started to watch a salarian spy movie with him, but her mind drifted away from the convoluted twists and turns of the plot to the more simple pleasure that could be afforded to her by the bed.

“I'm thinking of turning in for the night,” she said, just as the main protagonist was captured by a group of krogan mercenaries and bundled into a shuttle.

“Same here.” He flicked the film off and cleared his throat. “Who gets the good bed?”

“I don't know, but I definitely don't feel comfortable with the idea of sleeping together.” She winced, realising too late the double meaning of her words.

“Yeah. So…do you think we, uh, _you know_ , even though we’re different species?”

Her mind flashed, unbidden, to the time her fourteen year old self had accidentally stumbled across a human women and male turian having a very intimate tryst in a very public alleyway. They’d both glanced at her and then just continued on. She did not want to share that story with Garrus.

“Human and turians are pretty compatible. The ‘pieces’ all fit together,” she said, then quickly added, “As far as I know anyway.”

“Right…right.” He looked pensive. “Makes sense. I doubt we'd have made it as far as marriage if we weren’t able to keep each other happy in that regard.”

The human-turian couple Shepard had seen together certainly seemed 'happy'. They'd been so needy, so desperate and intent on each other. That sort of passion was so alien to her. Loving sexual relationship were not exactly a readily available commodity amongst the Reds. Abusive ones were. So she’d avoided relationships completely. She refused to be anyone's victim. If she needed comfort or pleasure, she provided it herself, just like everything else.

“God,” she murmured, the word seeming to slip out.

“Don’t like the thought then?” he asked.

“It's just strange. Sorry. I like you and all, but that side of things is still hard to come to terms with. No offence.”

“Is it because I'm a turian?”

“Not just that.”

“But it is partially that.” He shrugged. “That’s okay. The last thing remember is not being interested in humans at all. Hell, I didn’t want to settle down with anyone. I was just hoping to finally have some fun in between learning how to fight.”

“Oh...so you hadn't had any 'fun' before enlisting?”

“Ah...no actually. You caught me. But I was very, very hopeful.”

“That's certainly one way of putting it.”

“What about you?”

After slight hesitation, she just gave him the truth. “I don’t remember any relationships that got as far as sex. Or any relationships at all to be honest. I was a bit of a loner. It just seemed easier.”

“So we're both clueless.”

Her eyes found the bed and stayed there, moving across the duvet to the two pillows, one of which was oddly shaped and might possibly be designed to support the spikey back of a turian’s head. She knew if she glanced at Garrus she would find he was looking at the bed too. So she didn't.

“Look...you can take the bed tonight,” she said. “It's okay. You’re bigger than me.”

He shook his head. “No, it’s alright. You look pretty tired.”

“Let’s toss a coin then.”

“I don't know what tossing a coin means. You can take it anyway. Really. I don't care that much and the sofa looks comfy enough.”

“Thank you, Garrus.”

“You’re welcome, uh...do you want me to keep calling you 'Shepard' or use your first name? Chakwas said most people just stick with Shepard, but we are technically married so...”

“Shepard is fine. I think it suits me better.”

“Then you're welcome, Shepard.”

After rewarding him with a warm look, she lifted herself up from the sofa and made her way over to the dresser. Half of it was full of turian clothes, but she eventually located her pyjama and underwear drawer. Unfortunately, it also contained several pieces of lingerie in the same colour as Garrus’ facial markings. That was truly bizarre. She pushed it all to one side only to have her hand land on a small tub stashed right at the bottom. Curious, she brought it up to her face. A decision she regretted almost immediately when she realised it was embossed with the words, ‘chafing lotion.’ She let out an exclamation and shoved it back to the bottom of the drawer, piling anything that came to hand back on top of it.

“Are you alright?” Garrus asked.

“Yes, yes. Thought I saw an insect. Didn’t.”

He cocked his head and gave her a confused look. “I’d imagine not, since we’re on a spaceship.”

“That is true.” She grabbed a particularly thick pair of pyjamas from drawer. “I’m going to change in the bathroom. You can take this room.”

She scurried away and sealed herself behind the bathroom door. Twice, she checked to make sure it was definitely locked. She didn’t want to see him naked. No, no, no. Nor did she want him to catch a glimpse of her in an undressed state. They’d avoided it thus far despite sharing the med-bay for days. A nude turian was not something she particularly needed to see in the plates. If only she could also prevent her brain from trying to render images of what he might look like with nothing on. She pulled her clothes off, then immediately put on the pyjamas, feeling odd being undressed even with a door between them. In less than 60 seconds, she was ready. However, she spent time staring in bathroom mirror, fixing her hair and making sure her pyjamas were properly in place before finally knocking and checking he was ready.

An affirmative answer came from the other side of the door. Yet when she walked out of the bathroom she found him clad only in what appeared to be the turian version of shorts. In the Med-Bay, he’d at least worn a vest as well.

“Are you sure you’re ready?” she asked, fighting the urge to stare at his chest and map every plate. Every scar. “Because I’m not.”

He shrugged. “It’s hotter in here than in the Med-Bay. The thermostat must be set higher because of me. Turians like heat. We also usually sleep naked. I’m actually being very considerate by putting anything on at all.”

“How noble of you. I owe you one. So does Chakwas.”

“Glad you appreciate my sacrifice. Besides, aren’t you going to be too hot in those pyjamas? They look pretty thick. I don’t mind if you want to wear less. In fact, I’d be happy if you did.” He stopped talking and frowned. “That…didn’t come out quite right.”

“No, it really didn’t. But thankfully I think I know what you meant. Anyway, I’m fine in these. No need to worry, Garrus.”

“Okay then. You stay like that and I’ll stay like this.”

Rolling her eyes, she walked around him and dimmed the lights. That made not staring at him somewhat easier. They passed through the darkness to where they were sleeping and tucked themselves under the blankets. She was far too hot, but the bed felt just as comfy as she’d imagined it would. It was fast becoming her favourite feature of this life on the Normandy.

Before closing her eyes, she bid Garrus goodnight. He replied in kind, adding, “This is kind of nice. Definitely nicer than sleeping in the Med-Bay.”

She said nothing, but smiled into her pillow as she began to drift off. Maybe the bed wasn’t the only thing working its charms on her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unfortunately, I won’t be able to update next week. I’m going on holiday to the Highlands. Can’t wait for lots of hiking and some sea kayaking too!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just got back from Scotland after a great holiday. I kind of wish I was still there, but nevermind! At least being home means I can update this story. Thanks very much for the kudos, comments, etc, so far :)

The Normandy truly was astounding, a work of art capable of travelling through deep space. Shepard hadn’t appreciated just how wonderful her home was until Chakwas made good on yesterday’s promise to provide an official tour. The doctor had set off with Shepard and Garrus shortly after lunch. They'd visited the vast shuttle bay first. Currently, they were on the engineering deck and had just entered the drive core, where Shepard was ogling the machinery, trying to discern how everything worked. Two of the engineers – Gabby Adams and Kenneth Donnelly – introduced themselves and were kind enough to answer a few questions. She found herself captivated both by the explanations they gave and how pleased they appeared to be to see her. That was not a reaction Shepard was used to. Usually, the most she got from her fellow Reds was a swift nod. Smiles were a rare occurrence and unnerved her.

In a nearby cargo room on this level lurked the device responsible for her and Garrus’ memory loss. Chakwas decided not to let them anywhere near it, given what had happened last time and the continuing lack of a cure. She’d been keeping them updated on their situation since the accident, but thus far there hadn’t been much to share.

Limited progress had been made with studying the device, though Shepard suspected not at the pace Chakwas wanted. Its purpose had at least become clearer thanks to the crews’ efforts. Salvaged files from the Cerberus base suggested it had been developed using tech from a long dead species called the protheans with the intention of inducing short term memory loss in a target. In theory, this would grant Cerberus the ability to make people forget incriminating evidence. However, in practice its effects were unpredictable, making test subjects lose anything from seconds to years. This of course Shepard had discovered first hand.

She was more than happy to leave the deck without paying a friendly visit to the device. One more blast from the thing and it could be the end of her. Clearly, Cerberus was a dangerous outfit, though Chakwas had proven unwilling to divulge much information about them, even when asked a direct question. There were some areas she simply would not be drawn on.

Next, the tour reached deck three, home to the crew quarters and the all too familiar Med-Bay. However, Shepard and Garrus were finally free to explore the rest of the area. Shepard was particularly taken with starboard observation. In her home city, you could barely see the stars on a clear night, but here they were laid out here like a twinkling, moving tapestry. Garrus showed a particular interest in the main battery, which according to Chakwas was his usual station as Gunnery Office. Apparently, he spent hours working on calibrations and running simulations to ensure everything was running at optimum efficiency. Shepard could see his fingers itching to touch the controls, but his request to do so was shot down by Chakwas. At least for now.

The best of the tour was still to come. Their last stop was the ship’s buzzing nucleus, the Combat Information Centre (CIC), currently led by the acting captain, Ashley Williams. Communications Specialist Samantha Traynor gave them a demonstration of how the beautifully rendered galaxy map was used for navigation. Shepard moved as close to it as possible, leaning her body right over the railings. First, they were shown the Normandy’s current position, still orbiting the planet on which they’d found the Cerberus base while their investigations continued. This was followed by some of the many places where the ship had ventured under Shepard’s command.

Their travels had spanned thousands of light years, reached every corner of the galaxy and taken in hundreds of planets. In a few years, Shepard had explored more places than most people would visit if gifted several lifetimes. Not what you’d expect from a Reds girl who’d thought only her imagination would ever lift her off Earth and into space.

She wanted to express this somehow in words, but all that came out was a lame, “This is really cool.”

Chakwas still looked pleased. “You’ll be doing it all again very soon, Shepard. Once your memories are fully restored, there will be nothing at all to prevent you from continuing on with the victory tour as planned.”

“When exactly do you think that will be?” Garrus asked. Though Shepard wondered that too, she felt oddly perturbed at him asking.

“I still don’t believe I’m in a position to quantify it, Garrus,” Chakwas replied. “We’re all doing the best we can for both of you. On this ship and off. Two of your oldest friends, Miranda and Liara, are generating some promising ideas.”

That answer seemed to satisfy Garrus well enough and he asked no follow up questions. They left the conversation behind and crossed the CIC to the bridge, which Shepard found almost as fascinating as the galaxy map. Meeting the pilot, Joker, was certainly an experience. Good or bad, Shepard wasn’t sure as he gave them a brief overview of the controls and made random chit chat with them from beneath his baseball cap.

“So the two of you really don’t remember me?” he asked.

“No, sorry,” Shepard said.

“Like not even a little bit?”

“Nope.”

Garrus indicated his agreement. “We’re married and don’t even remember each other so…no.”

“I wouldn’t worry too much about that,” Joker said, using a fractionally more serious tone now. “The good doc will sort you out. You’ll be back to being nauseatingly happy in no time. Making in-jokes and grabbing at each other when you think no one can see.”

“Uh…thanks, I think,” Garrus replied.

“You know, Garrus, back at the start of your relationship with Shepard, you used to come to me for advice. I was sort of your romance guru.”

“You were?”

“Yeah. See you wanted to do some research into…” Chakwas shot Joker a withering look “…into human customs and I had a lot of videos on…human customs.”

Chakwas whisked them away shortly after that, before Shepard had too much time to contemplate what ‘human customs’ had been a euphemism for. She could probably hazard a guess though. The doctor completed the tour by showing them the remainder of the deck, including the war room, which turned out to be not as ominous as it sounded. Shepard had half been expecting heads and weaponry to be mounted on the walls.

Now they’d become familiar with the whole of the Normandy, Chakwas told them they were welcome to move about the public areas, provided they did their best to be careful and didn’t get in anyone’s way. If they wanted to go anywhere that the crew would be working, they needed to let her know first and she would try to arrange it. They could also start eating in mess hall whenever they wanted too. Nonetheless, they returned to the captain’s cabin for remainder of afternoon. Chakwas left them off at door to return to work, reassuring them that more progress would soon be made.

“That was pretty fun,” Garrus said as they entered the room.

Shepard nodded. “It was nice to finally see the ship properly. You were pretty taken with the main battery, huh?”

“Guess I was, but what about your strange fascination with the drive core?”

“It was just so big! The whole ship was amazing.”

“We have pretty good life, you know, all things considered.”

“I suppose we do. I’m actually beginning to feel a little more at home here.”

“Even though you're lumbered with me for a husband?”

“Yes.”

He placed his hands against his chest at the spot where she guessed his heart must reside. “I’m touched. Shepard.”

She laughed and he smiled back at her. “I love it when you laugh,” he said.

“You do?”

“When I first met you, I wasn’t sure if you were physically capable.”

“That’s just rude, Garrus.”

“It’s also true, Shepard.”

She tried to land a playful punch on his cowl, but due to great reflexes or some sort of muscle memory, he managed to grab her hand before she’d even got halfway there. A jolt shot through her, running right from where they were connected to her core. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d felt anything like that. Her face flushed and she stared down at where his large, three fingered hand was wrapped around hers so securely. God, he was so much bigger than her. She realised that this was the first time they’d touched. And that she’d been the one to initiate it.

He met her eyes and for a second - just a second - she thought he began to lean towards her with some sort of intent. She made no move forward nor any attempt to impede him. But then he was speaking and loosening his grip on her again.

“Sorry...” he mumbled. “I, uh, I’ll give you your hand back. You probably need it for…things.”

“Sure do. Thanks.” She dropped the arm back down to her side, hand now empty.

So close only a moment before, they retreated from each other. Shepard perched on the bed. Garrus hovered nearby, clearly not sure whether to look at her or not.

“Uh,” he said eventually. “What do you want to do now?”

“Not sure.” So unhelpful, but she couldn’t think.

“Let’s finish that vid from last night then.”

“Great idea.”

Pleased to leap onto anything that might distract them, she put the vid on immediately. It didn’t work. Neither of them seemed to get a proper grip on the movie. She could barely concentrate in spite of all the intrigue taking place on screen. Her hand kept flexing. She could still feel where Garrus’ fingers had pressed and remember exactly the amount of pressure that had been exerted. At times, she felt his eyes on her instead of the screen, though she didn’t look back at him. When the film ended with heroic victory, Shepard made a cowardly exit to starboard observation, saying that she needed ‘some air’.

She sat on one of the benches and watched the stars, searching for answers. Except she didn't know the question she was trying to ask and the stars certainly weren't talking. They stared back at her, beautiful, but the silent type. The quiet became too much and she ended up wishing she was back in Garrus’ company.

Once she gave up and returned, she found Garrus wearing the battered visor she’d noticed the day before. At first, he didn’t realise she was approaching, then suddenly he jumped, dropping the visor down onto the sofa.

“You’re back!” he said.

“Yes.” She raised an eyebrow. “But I could go out again…”

“No, no. I’m glad you came back.” He put the visor off to one side. “The fish and hamster don't make for great company. In fact, I’m pretty sure the hamster is terrified of me. It runs whenever I go near the cage.”

“Sounds awkward. Sorry for leaving like that, Garrus. I just…I don’t know.”

“Don’t worry about it. You’re back.”

“Did you find something interesting on your visor while I was gone? You seemed pretty engrossed by it.”

“Ah... not really...” He glanced away. “Just taking a proper look at it for the first time.”

“Seems like a nice bit of tech, even if it is battered in places. I think you’re pretty attached to it. You’re wearing it in most of the photos in here.”

“I noticed that too.”

For whatever reason, she got the impression he’d rather not talk about this anymore. Sure enough the next time he spoke, he changed the topic, “Do you want to get something to eat now? The mess hall will be serving the evening meal.”

She shrugged. “Don’t you think it will be awkward? We don’t really know anyone.”

“We know each other. Well, sort of. We can still keep each other company. It might be good to try something new. ”

“I don’t know, Garrus. New can be good, but it can be bad as well.”

“Yeah. It all depends.” He paused. “Sometimes it’s hard to tell how things will pan out.”

Were they still just talking about visiting the mess hall? She put things back on the right track, “I suppose we don’t have to keep visiting the mess hall if we don’t like it.”

“That’s true.”

“Alright then. We’ll go.”

They boldly headed out into the unknown. Upon arrival in the mess hall, they selected an empty space towards the back of one of the tables, where they sat side by side nibbling at their food. A few crew members greeted them. Mostly, they listened to other people talk or more precisely listened to a particular crewmember recount her escapades during the last bout of shore leave. Mid-way through their meals, Gabby and Kenneth from engineering appeared in front of them.

Kenneth’s Scottish brogue cut through the rest of the chatter. “You two look like you could do with some company. Chakwas was worried about you eating alone without anyone to babysit you.”

“Kenneth!” Gabby said.

“I mean, Gabby and I are stopping by for some food and would like to join you.”

Neither Shepard nor Garrus saw reason to object and the two engineers sat facing them on the other side of the table. The conversation flowed well enough. Though it covered nothing of any significance, Shepard could tell both of them had known her well before the accident.

“Do we eat together a lot?” Shepard asked.

“Often enough,” Gabby said. “We’re friends, Shepard. You’re close with most of your crew.”

“But doesn’t that cause problems?” Reds leaders weren’t chummy unless they wanted something from you. Sometimes not even then.

“Not so far. I’d say it makes us all more loyal. We’re like a big, dysfunctional family with you at the head.” Gabby smiled at Garrus. “Of course some of us have even become your family in a literal sense.”

Kenneth nodded in agreement. “People are far less likely to mutiny if they like you. It’s a pretty good strategy for keeping us all in line. A more humane alternative to corporal punishment.”

“You’re always willing to help your crew out,” Gabby said. “Kenneth and I, we owe you a lot, Shepard. See he was acting like the complete ass he is and wouldn’t admit there was something between us. Instead, he kept making comments about every other woman on the ship. It got pretty damn annoying. Luckily, you came along and finally knocked some sense into him before I decided to take an actual swing at him.”

Kenneth wrapped his arm round Gabby and drew her closer. “Aye, you did a good thing.”

Shepard looked at Garrus and found him staring right back. “Didn’t know you were a romantic, Shepard,” he said.

“Neither did I.”

But she could almost believe it. The way Garrus was looking at her made her want to reach out to him so he could clasp her hand in his again. She didn’t – couldn’t – act on it. She kept talking as if nothing had passed and made it through the rest of the meal.

Heedless of this, the urge to touch him once more returned at several points throughout the rest of the day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter in a week’s time.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lovely to see that people are still enjoying this fic. Thanks for the new comments, kudos, bookmarks and subscribes. I was a bit sleepy when I edited this chapter so sorry for any glaring errors!

Eyes searching the darkness of her cabin for something untraceable, Shepard lay awake despite the lateness of the hour. Her bed remained as comfortable as ever and nothing had occurred earlier to warrant her sleeplessness. Things were continuing to go well. Better than well. This last day with Garrus had been the best so far out of the good handful they’d now spent together in the cabin, with its highlights outnumbering the lowlights. In the afternoon, Chakwas had let them both indulge in some (heavily supervised) target practice in the shuttle bay. Somehow Shepard was quite good, though Garrus bested her. Not that she’d given him the satisfaction of admitting that out loud. They’d also shared a nice conversation and meal with Traynor in the mess hall and attempted to play a turian board game they’d found stashed under the sofa. And yet Shepard couldn't wind down, stop thinking and just sleep.

Another twenty, maybe thirty minutes of tossing and turning later, she got out of bed and onto her tired legs. She resolved to grab a book and attempt to read it by the dim light of the bedside lamp, but lost focus as she padded across the room. Garrus was lying on the sofa, only partially covered by the thin blanket he’d thrown across himself earlier. Shepard’s eyes traced over the blur of his body in the dark, moving from his crest to taloned toes, paying particular heed to his exposed chest. She began to repeat the process, but suddenly realised his eyes were open and focused on her.

“Are you watching me?” There was laughter in his voice.

“No...no. Of course not. I wanted to get something to read from the coffee table and...”

“Got lost and decided to stop for directions?”

“Oh, I don't know. I thought you were asleep.”

He sat up, causing the blanket to fall off even more of his body and pool at his waist. “So you were watching me.”

“Maybe I was, but you were looking right back.”

Impasse reached, they stared some more at each other. Shepard pulled at the shorts and vest she was wearing, then crossed her arms over her chest.

“How come you’re still awake?” he asked.

“I just can’t get over tonight. What about you?”

“I’ve a bit of neck pain. The sofa isn’t designed for anyone to sleep on it, let alone a full-sized turian.”

“You should have told me it wasn’t comfortable sooner!”

“It’s alright.”

“No it’s not. Did you sleep the other nights?”

“Not particularly well, but I got enough to keep me going. Look, it’s okay. Not much else we can do.”

"We could switch. Or I suppose we could start sharing the bed." The words just came out of her mouth, propelled by some uncontrolled force. She hadn't meant to say them. But there they were. “You’d have to stick to the opposite side to me of course. At all times.”

“I'd, ah, like that. If you’re sure?”

“I think it’s better than one of us being uncomfortable on the sofa. I’m okay with it tonight as long as you don’t mind me reading for a while?”

“No.”

“Alright then.”

Unmoving, he looked at the bed, then back at her as she picked up the novel she was midway through from the coffee table. He seemed to be awaiting further instruction, half-afraid she’d change her mind.

“Come on then, Garrus” she said, making her way to the bed.

He followed her in. She took the left side, he the right, both observing ultra-polite bed etiquette. They made a clear effort not to touch each other or claim possession of too much blanket.

“Comfier?” she asked.

“A lot. I can already feel the difference.”

“Good.”

She read with him lying by her side. Used to nothing but sleeping alone, she was aware of his presence, but not to the extent that she felt uncomfortable. Her body wasn’t squirming to get far away from his. If anything, it wanted closer to the warmth that was emanating from him.

After a chapter, she put the book down again and turned off the bedside lamp. Still awake, he spoke as she lowered herself down, “You're completely sure this is okay?”

She turned to face him, maintaining a respectable distance between them. “Worried I’ve changed my mind in the last ten minutes, Garrus?”

“Thought it best to check.”

“Well, I haven’t. You don’t seem to be too much of a blanket hog so it’s all good. Maybe we should have done this from the start. It definitely would have been less painful for you.”

“I don't think you would have been down with that. I'm fairly sure I would have been locked out of the room if I'd suggested it the first night.”

No point denying, it was true. “Garrus...look,” she said, “I’m sorry for how difficult I was when we first met. I know you’ve been easier to live with than me. But I'm not like you. So many of the memories I have left aren't good ones.”

“I get that, Shepard.” He looked at her, a mix of fondness and concern in his eyes. “I wish I could take them from you. Give you some of my good memories instead.”

A futile thing to say. She could tell he knew it too, but for a moment it made her smile. “A swap would be nice, but hardly fair on you, Garrus. Some of the stuff I can remember, it just…sucks.”

“I’d still do it if I could.”

“You really mean that, don’t you?” She drew in a long breath before releasing it. “You remember how I said my parents died?”

“Yeah, in a skycar accident.”

“What I didn’t tell you before was that I was right there with them when it happened. We were just driving along, then suddenly we weren’t. Neither of them made it to the hospital alive and I…I barely had a mark on me. I remember that so clearly, but being taken to the hospital, going to the funeral, saying goodbye, all of it is just this mass of confusion.”

He made the turian version of a sympathetic noise, but seemed to decide it was best to give her space to keep talking. “I ended up living my aunt. She was the closest family member I had left and I loved her. She was like my idol. So much fun, so cool. I wanted to be just like her when I was older. I thought she would keep me safe and make things better somehow. I really did. Sometimes I think that’s the worst part of all of this.”

“What happened?” he prompted after a moment of silence.

“Oh, she just wasn’t up to the job. I needed her to be. Instead, she got really into drugs. Not the soft stuff that doesn’t matter much. The hard stuff that fucks you up.”

At first, Aunt Darla had tried, really tried, despite having a temperament more suited to a teenager than someone in their early thirties. She cooked meals that were edible, even if they didn’t taste great. She helped with homework and went to one parent-teacher evening. Late at night, she dragged herself out of bed to comfort Shepard when she was being followed by monsters in her nightmares. Yes, she drank alcohol here and there like she always had and sometimes dabbled in drugs, but most days were okay. Or at least as okay as they could be given the circumstances.

It just hadn’t lasted for long. Darla’s drug use grew worse. Maybe after a while she couldn’t handle being responsible for another human being all the time. Perhaps it had always been going to happen. Shepard didn’t know back then. She sure as hell didn’t know now. What she did know was that Darla transformed from her aunt into another addict.

Hallex was all the rage in the city and Darla became one of its biggest fans. Eventually, she was taking it every day, her mood swinging from low to high and all the way back round again. Some nights she didn’t come home or turned up late with new ‘friends’, who were really just guys and girls who wanted to use and lose her. She lost her job at the salon after not turning up several times. Once, she spent two days passed out on the couch, drooling, snoring, but never moving more than a couple of inches. Shepard kept going over to check her pulse, trying to ignore the smell as she made sure she hadn’t finished herself off.

Just after fourteenth birthday, she found a way out. The Reds were looking for new meat. She offered herself up to them and they took her. She started to earn credits of her own and convinced some of the other Reds girls to let her stay with them in return for part of her cut. It wasn’t ideal, but preferable to one day finding a body on the couch. So she left, heading out with a single bag in hand containing clothes, some saved credits and a collection of her parents’ old tools. She looked back only once as she went. Her aunt barely seemed to notice she was gone and made no effort to bring her home.

In the years since then, Shepard doubted she’d tried to re-establish a relationship with Darla. She could certainly find no evidence of any attempt on her part, though had chosen not to ask Chakwas explicitly about her. God only knows what state she was in now.

“You don't want to hear this bullshit in the middle of the night,” Shepard said. “It hardly makes for a pleasant bed time story. I’m sorry, Garrus.”

He reached out to her, talons just grazing her cheek before withdrawing. The first time he’d touched her unprompted. “Talk all night if you want.”

“There's not much else to say. It got really bad really quickly. I couldn’t help her and she certainly couldn’t help me anymore. I started working for that gang and ran away from home. Not that it was really much of a home by that point.”

“No. Doesn’t sound like it, Shepard. I can’t even pretend to understand what that was like for you.”

“I’m glad you don’t. Really. I know all of it happened years ago. But this damn accident means it feels like it's all still hovering just behind me. Finding out all of this, finding out I'm with you and happy, everything seems so perfect. I’m far more used to dealing with shit."

“I'm sorry. Should I leave and go back to the sofa? Me being here seems to be bringing up some stuff and I don't want to...”

“No. Stay. Maybe talking helps. It’s meant to isn’t it?”

“Turians aren’t always big talkers. We work off tension in other ways, like beating the hell out of each other or uh….other physical stuff. But I know humans are different. Would you like a hug?”

“A hug?”

“I’ve read up a bit about human interactions. I just thought a hug might be appropriate in this situation. Am I wrong? Have I offended you?”

“No…no…” Rather she was touched that he’d done some research. Near the start of all this, Chakwas had provided her with some information about turians and she’d barely touched it. “Actually I’d quite like a hug.”

This would inevitably break the rule she’d set about keeping to separate sides, but still she proceeded. They shuffled closer together and he wrapped both his arms around her, loosely at first, then tighter when she went limp. His body was harder than hers, warm and steady. She could feel the constant beat of his heart against her chest.

“You’re not as spiky as I thought,” she said.

“Uh...thanks, I think. You’re very soft all over.”

Shepard shut her eyes for a moment and relaxed, but they flew wide open again when Garrus next spoke. “Would you like me to kiss you?” he asked. “I know kisses can be comforting to humans, though they’re more intimate than hugs.”

Yes or no, whatever answer she chose was bound to have an impact on how they moved forwards after this night. She didn’t know how to respond. “Do turians even kiss?” she asked.

“Not really in the same way humans do, but I think I can work it out.”

“You read about kissing too?”

“Maybe…”

“You know kissing usually has romantic connotations?”

“Well…yeah.”

“Do you actually want to kiss me?”

“I, uh…”

“Garrus, answer me.”

“If you want me too, then yes I want to.”

Talking was getting them precisely nowhere so she gave up on it, pressing her lips against his cheek. She met his eyes, took in their wonderful, bright colour, then claimed his mouth with hers. She’d expected it to be hard and unyielding, but encountered a surprising amount of give in the plates. This was still nothing like kissing a human, but it didn’t feel wrong. She was in bed, in the middle of the night, kissing a turian and it didn’t feel wrong. No, it was good. Comforting, like he’d intended. Safe and warm. If the Reds could see her now…

It took him a moment to respond, but then he was right with her, meeting her movements as best he could. Her body went warm all over, inside and out, not just because of being clasped against him so tightly. Before heat could overwhelm her, she pulled back

“Shepard…” he murmured, touching his forehead against hers in a way that was almost tender. She wondered if the gesture held some significance for his species.

“That was nice…” she said.

“Yeah. You feel better now?”

“I do.” She dropped a final kiss against his cheek, then burrowed against him. “Night, Garrus.”

“Night, Shepard.”

She fell asleep to him gently weaving his talons through her hair. What followed on was a few hours of solid rest for the both of them. She woke the next morning to the sounds of the alarm clock bleating. In the night, she’d rolled away from Garrus, but he’d followed her across the bed, one arm still slung loosely around her waist.

He moved to deactivate the alarm and she felt cold air rush at her. She turned to face him, “Hey there.”

“Hey, Shepard. Sleep well?”

“Yes. You?”

“Much better than before. Thanks again for letting me crash here.”

“Sure, sure.”

There was dead air for a few beats. Ah, the joys of the morning after the night before. And that had been some night; bearing her soul. Kissing him like that, the aggressor in the end.

“Better get dressed,” she said.

He nodded in agreement, but didn’t move himself. “Right.”

Straightening her shorts as she went, she got up and then started rifling through the dresser. She grabbed an outfit as quickly as she could and headed towards the bathroom to change, avoiding looking directly at him all the while.

“Shepard,” he said, still only half out of the bed. “This can be a one-off. I can go back to the sofa tonight if you want and act like nothing at all happened. I don’t want to make things awkward between us.”

“No.” She stopped, speaking quickly. “There’s a space for you in the bed if you want it, Garrus. Last night was good.”

“All of it?” He sounded hopeful, not regretful.

She returned to him and kissed him lightly. “Yes, all of it,” she said. “Thank you.” He smiled and she did too as she made her exit to the bathroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Think I’ll be able to update again next weekend, at which point this fic will start earning its E rating ;)


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From this point onwards, this fic is rated ‘E’ for a reason! I hope people continue to enjoy. The kudos, comments, etc, since the last update are all much appreciated.

There’d been movement; Shepard’s relationship with Garrus had taken a definite step forward along whatever route it was travelling. She didn’t know where exactly that left them, but maybe they didn’t need to define it yet. She wasn’t sure if she even wanted to. After dressing, they didn’t speak any more about how they’d shared a bed. Nor pause for some heartfelt conversation about their feelings. Instead, they just enjoyed the morning, talking and relaxing together, less averse to touching each other than before. She probably could have passed the whole day like that, but during the afternoon Garrus was pulled away from her to speak to his father and sister who were waiting on the comms. They called to check on his condition and this time he agreed to talk with them when Chakwas suggested it.

Shepard was pleased for him. Of course she was. How could she not be? She’d advised him to speak with them herself and he’d actually listened. Even so she couldn’t shake a creeping, jealous fear that after seeing them he wouldn’t feel like he needed her so much anymore. She, on the other hand, would still need him as much as before.

At the door, she pulled him into her arms, taking firm possession of his body. He hugged her back. A good sign.

“I hope it goes well,” she said into his cowl, meaning it.

“Me too. Guess there’s a lot to talk about. Years in fact. I’m not sure where to start.”

“You’ll know once you see them.” She released him, but saw him off with a final tender pat on the arm. “It will be fine, Garrus. Good luck.”

A fading smile on her face, she watched as he left to go talk to people who loved him. In the meantime, she had no loved ones to contact. Not her dead parents, buried light years away on Earth. Not Darla, wherever the hell she was now, dead or alive. It made his absence sting even more acutely than it otherwise would have done.

To distract herself, she sat at the computer terminal in their cabin and surfed the extranet. She derived little joy from the experience, moving from site to site like a restless vagabond, never settling anywhere. Bored, she got up again and crossed the room, seeking another source of entertainment. En route, she caught sight of Garrus’ visor sitting by the bed. Before their day together had been cut short by his parents, he’d been watching it while she sat reading her novel on a nearby chair. He’d used it a lot the last few days. For what purpose she wasn’t entirely clear, but a part of her wanted to find out.

Close up, she could see the smudges all over its surface from his fingertips. Somehow the visor transported from table into her hands as she continued to gaze down at it. There were a series of names roughly carved on the inside, possibly by his own hands. Not just turian names, but salarian, krogan and human ones as well. Most she didn't recognise. Only one stood out, written in larger letters than all the others. Her own. How God damn sweet of him. She took the gesture as a sign that he wouldn’t mind her taking a closer look. They were married after all. What was his was hers and vice versa. She placed the visor level with her eyes, the edges tangling in her hair. Ill-fitting though it was, she liked how it felt there, gently resting on her nose and ear, while one of her hands kept it in place.

This type of visor was unfamiliar to her and made by an alien power, but that hardly mattered. From a young age, when her parents had still been around to help her, she'd been tinkering with tech, loving the weight of it in her hands. She tapped at the controls and the visor instantly powered back on, picking up right where Garrus had left off, in the middle of a short recording. A recording of _her_. She jumped, almost dropping the visor in the process. She was looking at an image of her mostly unclothed body lying on the bed. Her face was flushed, her pupils blown wide open, and the only thing protecting her modesty was a blue thong, one of the pieces she’d discovered hiding in the dresser a few days ago.

A three fingered hand – _Garrus’_ _hand_ – slowly reached out towards her to remove this last vestige of clothing. He stripped her completely bare, revealing the dark curls between her legs and every other part of her anatomy. Fuck. He’d…he’d worn the visor while they were intimate together so he could film them.

And she’d actually _let_ him.

Shepard’s finger hovered one millimetre over the stop button, but didn’t activate it.

The vid kept rolling, showing Garrus begin to touch her, chastely enough at first with a soft kiss and caress of her cheek, which was welcomed with a smile. Then he upped the ante, licking and nipping at her neck and shoulders while she moaned beneath him. He trailed down lower and lower at a languid pace until he reached the juncture of her thighs.

Still Shepard did not press stop. Her finger fell away from the button. She turned the volume up instead and sat down on the bed.

She watched as Garrus urged her legs apart. And kept watching as he buried his face between them and began to use his long tongue on her. The recording became more than a bit blurry at this point, but it was evident enough what was happening. Not least because of the enthusiastic noises she could hear herself making in response to every lick. It was not at all difficult to tell when she finally came. The cry she let out was loud even with the volume only up halfway.

Her satisfied face filled the screen and what Shepard saw made her breath catch. She was looking up at the camera, or, more accurately, at Garrus, with eyes so full of love and satiated lust. Oh, she’d loved him so much before the accident. Worst of all, she felt like she almost understood even now.

The on-screen Shepard smiled slyly. “Not bad, Vakarian.”

He smirked back. “Not bad? I think they probably heard you down in engineering.”

“You’re exaggerating.”

“I’m really not and I’ve got the video proof. Maybe we should wind back and check just how loud you were.”

“Don’t be so cocky. But I suppose you did do good work and it would be a dereliction of my duty as your Commander if I didn’t reward it. Your turn now, big guy.”

The vid continued along its lusty course, camera angle changing as she pushed Garrus down against the bed to return the favour. There was some more cringe worthy banter between the two of them and then, with that loving look still on her face, she took his cock in her mouth. It was thick and colourful, bright blue against the silver of his plates. So damn obscene. All of it was. Still, Shepard couldn’t pull her eyes away. She liked it. Her body liked it, heartbeat ramping up and pumping blood to her core. She saw herself pleasure Garrus with her hands and mouth. Heard him call out her first name as he came undone. Watched herself swallow down his seed with a smile. Then it was over.

There were more vids though. Oh yes, a whole folder full of them. Enough to last a couple of hours if she had the time and the inclination. Which she did. She’d never cared much for this genre of entertainment before and certainly hadn’t ever braved an interspecies production, but this didn’t seem nasty or wrong. Maybe it was because it was them? Perhaps species difference really didn’t matter if you desired the other person enough.

She needed to see just a little bit more and there was plenty left to choose from. She selected another vid, then another, and another, watching her and Garrus take each other in a variety of different ways. The action was occasionally imaginative and always ultimately satisfying. They’d certainly put the bed through its paces, as well as a few other pieces of furniture in the cabin. Who knew how much fun you could have on a simple desk? She would probably never look at their quarters in quite the same way again.

Her core ached with increasing insistence, demanding she pay it some heed. She pushed her hand down beneath the band of her underwear, keeping the visor firmly in her other hand as she ran a vid of Garrus taking her from behind against the glass of the fish tank. Her strokes fell into time with thrusts on screen, though she was only vaguely aware of this, too caught up in the moment to care. The dull ache soon gave way to spikes of pure pleasure that built and built and built until the nerves blew out in a brilliant, powerful explosion. Usually she was quiet – you had to be when you lived in such close proximity to other people – but this time she allowed herself to moan as she came and worked her way through the rippling aftershocks.

After, she collapsed against the bed, watching in a daze as the on screen Shepard and Garrus followed her and reached their own, much louder peaks. When her heartbeat and breathing were normal again, when she could feel her legs once more, she finally removed her hand from her underwear and returned the visor to where Garrus had left it. She glanced at the alarm clock and immediately rose back into a sitting position. For almost an hour, she’d been playing around with the damn thing. Luck must have been on her side for Garrus not to have arrived back yet.

His return would come though, and soon. Then what happened? He’d watched these vids too. Possibly since he’d first taken a look at the visor and reacted so strangely when she’d asked him what he’d been watching. And yet he’d not said one word to her. Kept the vids his little secret. She could do the same. The vids could stay there in the shadows, an unspoken thing known by both of them, but never revealed. Or she could pull them out into the open and see what happened.

With renewed energy, she rose up from the bed and started to potter about the cabin. She tidied herself up properly in the bathroom, read another chapter of her novel, and fed both the fish and hamster. No matter what she did, however, her attention was always drawn back to the cabin door.

Finally, it opened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t want to leave anyone in suspense for long, but may need to get my laptop repaired as the cd drive appears to be on the fritz. This will lead to a slight delay. If my laptop holds up, however, I will post again next weekend.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the long absence. I did have to send my laptop for repair. It was gone for almost two weeks, then shortly after it was returned to me, Windows 10 crashed with a critical error. Luckily, I eventually managed to get it up and running again myself. It’s good to be back, with a laptop that’s functional (at least for now anyway!). Thanks as always for the kudos, comments, etc. Means a lot to me.

Keep it together, Shepard. She straightened as Garrus entered the cabin, trying to ignore her thoughts shooting every which way without her consent. He greeted her with a warm smile and came to where she was sitting on the bed. Under the surface, her heart pounded as if to breach the confines of her chest. On the surface, she returned his smile.

“Enjoy talking with your family?” she asked.

“There was a lot to cover,” he replied. “Literally years of stuff. But it was all okay once I got used to how different they look now. Dad’s facial plates are really starting to crack. He says it just makes him look distinguished. Not quite sure he’s right about that.” He let out a soft chuckle, his face relaxing into an affectionate smile. “You were right to tell me to speak with them, Shepard. They just wanted to know that I was still okay. They asked after you too.”

“They did?”

“Sure.” He sat down beside her so that their thighs were touching. Any closer and he would have been sitting in her lap. “My sister, Sol, I think you’re friends with her, even though she can be a bit of a nightmare. You get on with my dad too. Couldn’t believe that. He’s always wanted certain things for me and a human wife definitely wasn’t one of them, but he likes you. He really does. He thinks you’re good for me. Guess I’d figured that one out already…”

He leant towards with this earnest look on his face and made his best attempt at a kiss. Such a sweet move, but her brain went places far south from sweet. She stiffened, then so did he before pulling away.

“What’s wrong?” he asked. “I thought we did this now. I’m trying my best to get the hang of this whole kissing thing. Let me know if I’m not getting it quite right because...”

“Garrus, I found the vids on your visor,” she blurted.

For a moment there was complete silence apart from the rhythmic sound of his mandibles clicking against his face. He didn’t ask what vids she meant. He didn’t need to. When he eventually spoke, all that issued forth was a single word: “Oh.”

“Yeah. Sure are a lot of them.” She paused. “You’ve been watching them for a while now, haven’t you?”

“Uh…yeah. I stumbled across them when I first picked up the visor. Wasn’t looking for stuff like that, I really wasn’t, but there were way too many to miss.” He couldn’t look at her, suddenly finding his own clasped hands fascinating. “I’m sorry. Are you angry with me, Shepard?”

Angry? She’d felt many things while looking at those vids, but that hadn’t been one of them. The other emotions had got her so distracted, so hot and bothered, it hadn’t really occurred to her to get angry.

She shook her head. “I don’t really know if you did anything wrong. The vids were made to be watched by you. And by me I guess. I feel a bit like you’ve been sneaking around behind my back, but then I used your visor without your permission so maybe I’m no better in that respect. I can sort of understand why you didn’t tell me about them. You probably worried I’d freak out” He gave a small nod. She tried to catch his eye, though he was still steadfastly avoiding her. “Why’d you keep watching them, Garrus?”

“At first just curiosity. Well, okay, mostly that. Then…definitely not just curiosity. They were right there at the click of a button and it was hard to stop.”

“You mean you liked them?”

“I…yes. Of course I did. It’s you and me. And you’re…you know.”

She didn’t know exactly, but it was definitely a compliment. “Garrus, I liked the vids too.” She took his face in her hands and gently encouraged him to look her way again. “An awful lot. Since you weren’t here and I was all by myself, I have to confess I got a bit carried away…”

He let out a noise that sounded almost like a groan. “Good…good to know.” It took a moment for him to compose himself again. “Where exactly does that leave us, Shepard?”

“Do we have to agonise over this? Seems like I want you and you want me, Garrus. That doesn’t strike me as a particularly hard equation to work out.”

"No…not when you put it like that,” he said. “I’ve thought a lot about how it would be if we did stuff together, but are you actually serious about this, Shepard?"

“Completely serious.”

To prove she was, she tugged him towards her, bringing their mouths together. For the first time, she tested sliding her tongue into his mouth. The experiment was an instant success. He caught on quickly and returned the kiss as best he could, his rough blue tongue caressing her soft pink one. When they came up for air, he pushed his forehead against hers. She was already starting to love the way he did that. It seemed to mean at least as much to him as the kissing. Must be some sweet turian thing. Beneath their plates, the species clearly harboured a tender side that most humans weren’t privy too.

“Ready for the live show, Garrus?” she said. “Because I am. I want to know what it’s like to be with you for real.”

Though the vids had been damn good entertainment, she'd be willing to bet precious creds the reality could be better.

Words seemed to fail him for a moment. She kissed him again, rougher than before, and finally got a response of sorts. He pushed her down against the bed and she found herself flat on her back with a very eager turian on top of her, gently nipping and licking at her neck. She rolled them over and answered him with a few blunt nips of her own. Because of his thick hide she could barely make a mark on him, but he seemed to enjoy her futile attempts anyway if his groans were anything to go by. A long, messy and infinitely satisfying fumble followed. His big, three-fingered hands were busy, but she didn’t have to caution him once about his talons. They seemed to have been filed suspiciously recently and he was determined to treat her well.

He started pawing at her clothes in what she judged to be a not particularly successful attempt to disrobe her. She encountered no more luck in her own efforts to remove his shirt and pants, the clasps seemingly designed to thwart her at every turn. But they were both stubborn asses by nature and very determined in this instance. Soon enough, after providing each other with a few gasped directions, they were both able to remove the upper layers of their clothing. The lower layers followed, with only a modicum of hesitation and embarrassment displayed by either side.

They were left naked and panting on the bed, their clothes lost to the four corners of the room. She was already soaking wet and he was already hard. From the vids, she knew it sometimes took time for him to warm up and emerge from behind his plates, but he was out and more than ready for her now. She may have seen it all before on the visor, but this all still felt new and exciting. His cock was thick, ridged and even bluer in the flesh, glistening slightly under the lights of their cabin. She couldn't help but wonder how the hell it seemed to fit inside of her so easily when they fucked. Not that anything was going to stop her from seeing this through to the end now.

With real purpose, she shoved him down against the bed and leant over him with a smile. Half-shy, half-hopeful, he looked back at her. The shyness was almost ludicrous given their current situation and how she kept playing the aggressor, but so so endearing.

“Like what you see, Garrus?” she teased.

“Best thing I’ve seen all day. You’re beautiful like this, Shepard.”

“For a human?”

“No. For anyone.”

“Charmer.”

“I mean it.”

Nothing had been done to prepare her body for this. No intimate preening. No checking herself for blemishes or coating herself in makeup to cover the assorted scars all over her body. She wasn't even sure if she'd remembered to brush her hair this morning. Garrus clearly didn't care.

“I think you’re beautiful too,” she said. “In the manliest way possible of course.”

He caressed her cheek just like she’d watched him do in the very first vid she’d come across. _God_ , he was so damn sweet. She had to have him, the sooner the better. She straddled him, drawing him into another protracted kissing session. Their bodies started to move together like it was the most natural thing in the galaxy to do despite them being too different species from planets light years apart. She could feel him sliding against her wetness, conjuring up a lovely sweet ache that demanded more, more, more. If they kept going, she knew she would come from this alone – and it would probably feel damn good - but that was not what she wanted. She wanted it all.

“Garrus,” she said, stilling and making sure to capture his eyes. “Garrus, I want you inside me.”

“I want that too.”

She gestured down between them. “You okay if I take the initiative and, uh, get this started…”

“Give me one sec.” He moved beneath her, propping a pillow behind him to better support his back, then grinned. “Ready.” Excitement sparked in his eyes, burning through the remaining shyness. “This isn’t the go to position for turians, but I definitely like it. Sure is a nice view.”

She laughed. “Here goes nothing then…”

Rising above him onto her knees, she took his cock in her hand to line it up with her entrance. Slowly and with care, she eased herself down on him. She braced for pain as his tip slipped inside. None came. Just pleasure for her and for him, leaving them both to groan in unison. Nerve endings she didn't know existed before began to fire off as she continued to take him in inch by delicious inch. He filled her up so well, a tight fit even with her dripping wetness to ease him in, but one that felt so perfect. It was obvious they’d done this a hell of a lot. She kept going, enjoying every extra bit of him, until he was fully hilted inside her and she was perched astride him.

“Feel okay?” he asked, a strain in his voice that hadn’t been there before.

She pressed her forehead against his. “Never better, Garrus.”

“You’re so wet, Shepard. So tight.” He sounded almost awe-struck. It was like they’d discovered some grand new power. “Didn’t know what to expect,” he continued. “But this just feels so right, doesn’t it?”

“God, yes.”

What happened next was nothing like the polished fucking they'd seen in the vids. Their moves were clumsy and entirely unpractised. He slipped out a couple of times towards the start. Yet they still fell into a simple rhythm together, Garrus following her lead, meeting her short upwards and downwards thrusts. Their timing might not have been perfect, some of the beats falling off the pace, but it was still satisfying enough to push her towards a level of pleasure she'd never been able to reach with just her own hands. Eyes locked on hers, Garrus watched as she moved above him. His hands roamed over her body, reaching out to caress every part of her he could get to. He favoured her waist above her breasts. Particular attention was also paid to her ass. It seemed to fascinate him as he gently squeezed both round cheeks almost hard enough to leave a mark.

She leant down so she could drop a deep kiss onto his mouth and felt him moan into it. Already, she was getting close and could tell he was too. Species difference or no, some things were just too obvious to misinterpret.

Sure enough, he soon gasped out, “I’m so close. Are you?”

“ _Yes_. Help a girl out.” She took his hand and brought it to just above where they were joined, showing him how to gently massage her clit in time with their movements.

Yes, that was it. Just right. She let him take over and by God he was a fast learner, exerting just the right amount of pressure to ramp up the ecstasy to almost unbearable levels. She needed only a little bit more and he gave it to her with a series of firm strokes. Faster than she’d expected, her breaking point was breached. She came. Hard. All the tension, all the pressure that had built up since he’d first entered the cabin exploded outwards, pleasure wracking through her body in great waves. Her eyes clamped shut, though she tried to keep them open. Her hands gripped whatever part of him she could reach and her voice called out, “Garrus”, in a broken cry. It proved too much for him. He gasped out a mixture of her name and untranslatable turian curse words as he too came. A rush of his hot, wet seed spilled out deep inside of her. It felt undeniably strange, but not at all unpleasant.

Still under her and in her, he flashed her a dazed, but completely satiated look. She'd made him come apart like that. Nothing else. Just her. She smiled at him, running her hand under his fringe and stroking the soft flesh there. He brought her down for a kiss. Their mouths didn't line up quite right at first, but they kept going anyway. It was sloppy and perfect.

“I’d say that was pretty good for a first attempt,” he said.

That earned a laugh. “It was much better than just good. No need to be so modest.”

“Funny to think I’d always pictured this moment with a turian woman. Even asari never did anything for me.”

“Oh…”

She shifted above him, but he stilled her with a gentle caress along her back before she could move to separate them. “No, I don’t mean it as a bad thing. This isn’t what I expected, but I don’t think it could have been better.”

She relaxed totally again. “I feel the same way.”

“I could really get used to this, Shepard.”

“Then you should. Something this good shouldn’t be a one-off. In fact, I could go for more tonight, if you think you can manage it…”

“Oh, I can. I was so hoping that’s what you’d say.”

They went at it again as soon as they were able and made it two for two for both of them. This time, he took her from behind as she knelt on all fours on the bed in what was apparently the turian equivalent of missionary style. The position gave Garrus his turn at being in control and he took full advantage, making gentle, but deep reaching thrusts that left her desperate and clawing at the sheets. No longer needing any prompting, he knew to stroke her clit as her cries grew louder and she came hard. Again. He soon followed, nipping her neck as he finished inside her.

By the end of the second round, some welts and scratches were rising on her skin where she'd come into repeated contact with his plates. She didn't care. He did, panicking about hurting her. However, she calmed him down, remembering the chafing lotion she’d discovered in the drawer those days ago. She’d been so terrified when it had first fallen into her hands. Now she needed to use it. She had him fetch the lotion and he began to spread it all over the affected areas, leaving them soothed and tingling in a far more pleasant way. He didn’t stop there, applying the lotion to a few places where it probably wasn't strictly necessary. At this point, they got rather derailed. Using only his hands, he brought her to a final long and sweet climax. Once her legs were working properly again, she did the same for him.

The whole session left her a little sore and definitely worn out, but deeply satisfied. She collapsed against the bed into a warm pile with him.

“There’s something I want you to know,” she said after they’d spent some time simply holding each other. “I get it now. Why we’re together, all of that. I was starting to even before I found the vids.”

He looked at her with clear surprise, but then recovered. “Well...I am pretty great.”

“You are.”

“I get it too, Shepard. Us, I mean. I have for a while. Sooner than you did, I think. There’s just…something I like about you.”

They snuggled closer together and continued to lay in their heap. Time lost all meaning. Or at least it did until Chakwas’ voice boomed over the cabin comms.

“Is everything okay up there?” she asked. “You haven’t reported to the mess hall for your evening meal or requested that food be sent up.”

“Sorry, Chakwas,” Shepard said. “We really, really lost track of time.”

“You’re both alright then?”

“I feel just fine. How about you, Garrus?”

“I’m good too. Nothing at all wrong here.” He ran his hand the whole way along Shepard’s still bare side and she failed to completely stifle the resulting laugh. “Well, apart from the usual memory loss,” he added.

“Right.” There was a long pause at the other end of the line. “Just…be careful whatever you’re doing. Come down and eat something soon.”

They smiled at each other as the call clicked off and silence returned to the room. Chakwas clearly suspected something, but that was fine with Shepard.

Everything was fine right about now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There’s just one chapter left. I want to do a bit of work on it still, but I will get it up within the net two weeks :)


	8. Chapter 8

It felt to Shepard as if she and Garrus were off on some wonderful adventure, exploring each other rather than the galaxy as they had done before the accident. They made the most of the privacy afforded to them by having their own cabin, emerging every now and then to keep Chakwas happy. She knew well enough what was going on of course. An information packet on turian-human intercourse had appeared on both their omni-tools shortly after she’d interrupted their first intimate encounter. Not that they needed it. They weren’t having trouble with anything, aside from some inevitable chafing. The vids had been an education in themselves and any remaining blanks were filled in through practical experience.

Mostly, Chakwas trusted them enough not to interfere, continuing to aim her attention towards curing their condition with the help of the crew and their off-ship friends. A few days after Shepard and Garrus’ first time, when they had made it into double figures, Chakwas called them on the comms to share some good news. All her hours and hours of work had come to fruition: she was ready to treat them. Finally, they could get back what the device had so greedily seized on the Cerberus base.

The two of them made their way to the Med-Bay as instructed and sat waiting for things to get started. They shared the same gurney, closer to each other than ever. In the background, Chakwas and two other crewmen were making their final preparations, ensuring everything was perfectly calibrated. Essentially, Shepard and Garrus were to be blasted by the device again, but engineering trickery would ensure that this time it would restore rather than remove memories.

Neither Shepard nor Garrus had spoken much since entering the room. Shepard didn’t like that. Silence meant more time for thinking and that might not be a good thing right now.

“So this could really be it,” she said. “Back to normal again.”

“Certainly looks like it. Feels kind of strange. I was starting to think we were going to be like this forever.”

“I’m nervous, Garrus. I mean, will I even feel like the same way after? Or will I be one person one moment and a different one the next? I don’t know. I don’t like that.”

He took her hand in his. “You’ll still be the same person, Shepard. Just more grown up. It’ll be okay. We’ll be able to remember how we met and all of the heroic crap we’re meant to have done together. That’ll be pretty awesome, right?”

“Yeah.” She gave him a smile. It was weak, but real. “You think it will work then?”

“I have a feeling in my gut like it will. Chakwas seems to know what she’s doing.”

“She does.” Her eyes latched onto their intertwined hands. “But if it doesn’t work, I was thinking it might be best if the two of us stick together. We probably won’t be able to stay on this ship forever, but we could make sure we both end up in the same place. We seem to help each other. Well, I think we do anyway.”

She was going to keep rambling on towards God knows where. He stopped her, squeezing her hand. “Shepard, of course we’ll stay together. It just makes sense.”

They continued to hold hands until Chakwas announced it was time to get started and asked who was to go first. Shepard volunteered. She could see Garrus looking towards her and it felt right to take the lead. Like it was her duty.

Before disembarking from the gurney, she kissed Garrus. People were watching so she kept it short, but poured as much feeling into it as she could. He seemed to be trying to do the same. In a strange way, it felt like kissing him - or at least this version of him - goodbye.

She thought of last night, when she’d emerged from the bathroom dressed in one of the blue lingerie sets to a surprised, but delighted Garrus. The bra had ended up ripped in several places, but she hadn’t cared because he’d loved it and done his best to show her that.

“See you on the other side, Garrus,” she said.

She followed Chakwas, ready for whatever was to happen. Come what may, at least she’d still be with him.

….

The treatment worked. Shepard was restored to her adult self and after a brief, but agonising wait so was Garrus. _Thank God_. Chakwas kept them under careful observation in the Med-Bay for hours before finally concluding the procedure had been a complete success. Her relief was palpable and Shepard realised how well she’d guarded them from the strain she’d been under during the last few weeks. She discharged them to their cabin in the early evening, advising them both to take a couple more days of rest. Though somewhat frustrated at still not being deemed fit for duty, Shepard was nonetheless very grateful to be no longer running around the ship as a confused seventeen year old.

There was no more haziness and confusion, just clarity and a renewed sense of calm. The blank space the device had left in her mind was filled again. Thousands upon thousands of lost memories had come back, taking their rightful place and once more making up the patchwork of the last fifteen years. She could remember sneaking away from the Reds at eighteen to join the Alliance and realising that this was where she should be, even as she struggled with the training and regimentation. Finally, after years of being nothing, she’d found her place in the galaxy again. She could recall so clearly taking charge of the Normandy, nervous - no terrified - but determined to do right by those relying on her, and then somehow doing just that, bringing the crew successfully through the war and out the other side to where they were now, on a victory tour across the galaxy.

Among the mundane and run of the mill, there were some awful memories to take back in, like dying and being returned, unfinished to the land of the living. She still did not know Aunt Darla's ultimate fate. As she’d thought, they had never re-established contact with each other, leaving the fracture between them unrepaired. She hadn't attempted to trace Darla out of fear of what she'd discover. No begging letter signed with a familiar name had arrived when she'd unwillingly become a galactic celebrity. One way or another, she hoped Darla was in a better place now, even if that meant ignoring all the more likely scenarios.

Happily, plenty of fantastic memories had returned to her as well, precious gold and jewels to balance out the bad and tip scales towards the good. It was no coincidence that many of those which she treasured most involved Garrus in some way: Meeting him on the Citadel and feeling a strange sense of connection across the species line. Seeing the raw delight on his face as she climbed out of the rubble after defeating Saren. Finding him on Omega when she was in such desperate need of a friend. Enjoying their electric, if clumsy first attempt at blowing off steam together. Reuniting with him on Menae and getting to take him home with her. Making an honest turian of him after the hell of the war at a small wedding ceremony attended by their remaining friends. She never wanted to lose any of it again and would take extra care from now on to guard it all.

To her embarrassment, she could also remember being the one to trigger the device on the Cerberus base. She’d leaned on the still active control panel while Garrus stood nearby, covering her six as usual. Years of service and she’d never done anything quite so careless before. When the time had finally come for a big mistake, she’d injured her own husband. She never could have forgiven herself if the damage had been irreparable. Luckily, Garrus showed no signs of holding it against her, even though she'd caused them both days upon days of confusion.

His swagger had returned, the one he’d developed after leaving C-Sec and striking out for himself. It was inherent in how he moved, talked, even laughed. As they curled up together on their sofa, two freshly poured glasses wine glasses in front of them, she couldn’t keep her eyes off him, so happy to see the old him beside her.

“Enjoying the view?” he asked, smirking.

“You’re really back,” she said. “My Garrus. Not that you weren’t adorable as a teenager. So earnest and sweet.”

“It’s nice to see you acting like your old self again too. You don’t get that lost look anymore.”

“That’s because I know I’m where I’m supposed to be.”

“Getting all sappy on me, Shepard?”

“Just this once. I think I should be allowed to given what we’ve been through during the last couple of weeks.”

He laughed, then drew her into a kiss. Their first one since being treated. He took the lead and she happily followed.

“You’ve certainly got your kissing technique back,” she said with real delight.

“Of course. I’ve had plenty of practice, which I’m very pleased to remember again.” As he spoke, she ran her hand over his shirt, plucking at the material near to where his heart beat. He looked down at what she was doing. “Something wrong, Shepard?”

“No. The opposite. I just…I want to thank you for looking after me. I was so messed up when I was younger. Trying to stay detached from everything, but just…hurting on the inside. I can’t imagine it’s much fun to be around someone like that.”

“I didn’t see you that way.”

“No?”

“No. Sure, you acted kind of surly sometimes. Underneath, I knew there was more. Definitely sadness, yeah, but a lot of good stuff too. I just wanted to bring it UP to the surface. Make you smile.”

“And you did.” She was smiling right now. “You managed to get me to fall for you all over again, Garrus. Quite some feat. At that age I was more likely to punch a potential suitor than kiss them.”

“I am very charming. And the vids seemed to help. I’m extra glad we made them now.”

“They only helped a little bit. Most of it was down to you. Garrus…” Her tone was serious enough that he paused whatever follow up joke he’d had in the works. “I love you. I don’t say it all that much, but I do.”

“I know that, Shepard. I love you too.”

“If something permanent had happened to you…”

“I’m fine. The doc patched me up, like always.”

“Yes, but if we keep doing this eventually something might happen to you, or me, that no one can fix.”

He stared at her for a long moment. “I suppose that’s the nature of being a soldier. Maybe our luck will hold out. We’ve made it this far. Still somehow mostly intact.”

“But we don’t _have_ to keep on going. Not anymore. Not now the war’s over” Though she was the first one to voice the thought, she suspected he was thinking something similar.

“No. The galaxy could probably get along without us now, if you wanted it to.”

“The Alliance saved me, Garrus. Made me who I am now, but _y_ _ou_ make me happy. You’re what matters most. I think once we finish this tour we should take a proper break together. I wasn’t ready before to stop and just…stay still for any length of time. I guess I needed to prove to myself that I’d recovered after the war and could still do it. And I’m so glad you supported me even though you’d talked about retiring and living off the proceeds from the vids. But it might be nice to take a vacation from all the drama. You know, like setting off experimental Cerberus devices.” She gave him her best rueful look. “At least for a while anyway.”

“I’d like that, Shepard. A lot. I promise I’ll make it worth your while. Every single day.” His raised brow plates made his meaning plain and she laughed. “Where do you want to go?” he asked.

“Has to be somewhere warm and tropical, doesn’t it? We can take some time. Decide what’s next for us. More adventures like this or some new type of adventure.”

“As long as I’m with you, I’ll be happy.”

“Now who’s being sappy, big guy?”

Further teasing was on the tip of her tongue, but he distracted her with another kiss. This one lasted. They soon abandoned the sofa for the bed, where they undressed. Their love making no longer felt new and charged like it had done with their memories gone. It was old and familiar, but every bit as loving and fulfilling. Garrus wore his visor, the recording light flashing red. They’d made their first vid just before she’d turned herself into the Alliance. Her idea, not his. She’d wanted to make sure he had a memento of her, something to stop him forgetting what they’d had together, ill-defined and confused though it had been at that point. After they’d reunited, he’d told her about how he’d watched it often while huddled alone in his bunk, surrounded by the desolate wasteland of Menae. They’d made another after their reunion. Then another. And another. Soon it was something of a habit. Tonight, after everything that had happened, it just seemed appropriate to add one more to the collection.

Using his tongue and hands, he played her body expertly, more than two years of practice shining through. All the right keys were struck to make her cry out over and over and soon reach a brilliant crescendo. Satisfied, she collapsed back against the bed and he claimed her mouth, the taste of her still on his tongue. Without breaking the kiss, he slid into her willing heat. They moved as one, making a song together now. She ran her hands over him, once again knowing exactly how to make his body hum with pleasure. She caressed his fringe, his waist and any other soft spots she could find between his plates until he came, shuddering and desperate above her. She wasn’t quite done. Ever considerate, he made sure she came to a proper finish rather than fading out, caressing between her legs to bring her to a second climax within the span of less than ten minutes.

She looked up at him and knew even though she couldn’t see herself that her face as that of a love-struck fool. “That was…You are…” Apparently his attentions had rendered her incoherent. “I’m just so glad I have you, Garrus.”

“I’m rather attached to you too. And I have no intention of going anywhere.”

She knew he meant it. If anything in her life was destined to be constant down through her remaining years, it was going to be him. “Good,” she said, giving him a turian kiss, rubbing her forehead against his. “I need you right here.”

“Naked and in your bed?”

“As much as possible.”

“No problem. It’s my favourite place to be anyway.”

For the rest of evening, they stayed under the sheets, sharing a quiet type of bliss together. Eventually, Garrus drifted off. Shepard lay on her side watching as he slept, full of love and awe for him because of how well he’d helped her through all the recent madness. Another great, if low key memory to add to the vault of thousands. There’d be plenty more to bank each day they spent together. She just knew it. She smiled and continued to watch him until her eyes grew so heavy she could no longer keep them open.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much to everyone who followed this fic through to the end. I appreciated every comment, kudos, bookmark and subscription. Feels really strange to be finished. Work is crazy right now so I don’t have much time for writing, but I hope to back with something new in future. Until then, goodbye!


End file.
